Friday, January 21, 2011

Why Queer Relationships Fail

This has been an interesting week for me, both at work and personally. Work is always full of activities and meeting many interesting people. Everyday is a learning experience, as I have come to learn. I would have loved to share some of the interesting things I came across this week but professional code of conduct bars me from discussing such issues.

However, this week, I was meeting a client for a breakfast meeting in one of the coffee lounges in town. I made one observation that got me thinking about so many things. I noticed that there were very many mature men having breakfast in town. And I asked myself, I thought men leave their homes after having breakfast that has been prepared by their wives (or girlfriends) or by the house-help (of course under supervision by the lady of the house)? It hit me hard that a majority of marriages and of course heterosexual relationships fail the moment they take off!

What about queer relationships? I have had a couple queer friends and from the stories I have heard, our brothers and sisters in heterosexual relationships are in a better place! I know for sure, that over 85% of queer or gay relationships don't last for a year! I have heard of exceptional ones going for between 5 and 15 years! I don't know what the magic is; maybe they should share the trick with my gay brothers. One of the reasons I think gay relationships flop is because of the equality of both parties. I know people play different roles in bed but two men together can't work! All men consider themselves as equals and that they can do what the other can do. 'If my boyfriend is out for drinks with his friends, why can't I go out and hang out with my friends too'; that is how they think. Again, none of the partners is willing to be submissive like a woman submits to a husband in a heterosexual marriage or relationship. Homosexual relationships will only work when one partner realizes their position in the relationship and is willing to submit to and respect the other. 

And just as I was thinking about my relationship status, the client walked in..... 

Yours truly, 

DA

8 comments:

  1. I agree. I think heterosexual couples have it a bit easier because they can, at the very least, be open about their relationship in public. Whereas with us same-sex couples, everything must be hidden, secretive, for fear of being taboo or... getting lynched... smh...

    --Cogito

    thanks for following my blog!

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  2. Lets hope and pray that one day same sex couples will get to live comfortably just as heterosexual couples do.

    Thanks for following my blog too.

    Yours truly,

    DA

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  3. I don't think heteros have it easier, I think that women tend to up with men longer than gay men. But then again we all have this one size fits all mentality and we allow that pigeon hold us into situations we need not be in.

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  4. Ola DA!
    IMHO there's more to relationships than Just submission. There's compromise and trust as well. Most relationships fail because partners dogged each other or they grew apart. But mostly the former, at least for the Kenya scene

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  5. Hmm.... submission? I think not. One thing's for sure, you must be into the person on a higher level (usually of deep friendship) beyond the sexual level. And communication, communication, communication!!!

    ..

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  6. Great relationships are based on compromise. I am the older, more dominant partner in my 7 year gay relationship. But my boyfriend does not submit to me and nor do I submit to him. We just make decisions together but on personal lives, we have different likes and we try not to impose on each other..eg he would prefer to watch a soccer game on a Saturday evening whilst jazz and talk with my pals is my interest. He does his and I do mine but, we will be together after that. Sometimes I will join him in soccer and he will join me in my interests. It just looking for the best balance and rhythm that works. 7 years later..here we are.

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  7. Hmm...interesting read. Queer relationshits(sic)have only one problem: Grass is greener on the next guy syndrome. It becomes a problem since you keep on looking for something you aren't even sure about in the next guy...My two cents: Get a likeminded guy and put all your weight behind it. Submission...well depends how you define it but roles to me don't necessarily dictate submission. Nairobi man. Congratulations, I'm really impressed.

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  8. i have been in a queer relationship for 7 years now and i can tell the last paragraph is true. it took me like 5 break ups to know that being men doesn't make us equal. just learn the values that your partner has and accept his poor ones. another guy told me that there is only one spot at the top so decide who takes it. having another man head your relationship doesn't make you less a man. get it queers!!!

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