Saturday, August 25, 2012

Down low code

Many of us are in this ship I call Mv Downlow. Aboard this vessel all you do with the very few like-minded guys is a private affair. It is like being on a cruise ship, on high seas away from the prying eyes on the main land. Any man on the down low knows what I am talking about. However there is an unwritten down low code that few have a clue about. Let me break it down for you.

First, this post is as a result of an encounter I had in the coastal city of Mombasa last week. We were down there for the Law Society of Kenya Annual Conference which was held in Diani. It is one those conferences that lawyers look forward to every year. It has been billed as a get away for senior and wealthy lawyers who take time off their busy schedules. Some fly their mistresses down to the coast for some little fun. If you have brushed shoulders with lawyers you must have noticed that we love living life to the fullest; eating it with a big spoon kind of thing. A story is told of a senior lawyer who got wasted during a past conference that he forgot his room number but could remember the room number where a female married colleague was lodging and he shamelessly stumbled all the way to her room. What went down in her room, I leave it for you to decide. So the Mombasa retreat provides the perfect play ground for those marauding lawyers who want to have some fun.

After the conference was over, I decided to cross over to the island to sample what the coastal city has to offer. Not that there is much to sample in Mombasa especially if you have been to most entertainment joints. Bella Vista was my destination. I like this joint for its VIP lounge on the ground floor and the eye candy that frequents the joint. Once in, I did the usual, found myself a nice spot and ordered scotch whiskey. As is usual, I scanned the lounge and noticed quite a number of good looking guys. Then I saw one of the young lawyers who was at the conference. I didn't pay much attention to him but kept on checking out cute guys. Thing is, I don't do this when I am with my girlfriend Kimberly, lest things go to the dogs. After enough 'feeding' on eye candy, I walked out to the washrooms. While walking out back to the lounge, I met this young lawyer and for a moment we locked eyes. Damn! I thought to myself. I ordered another shot of whiskey and noticed when he came back. Then the games started.... He's the kind of you want to bed even on the street. Any way.....things got interesting as the night progressed Do I have to break it down to you how it ended up?  

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, the DL code. Openly gay people are perplexed at how 'us' guys nail other guys and get laid. One thing about us is that we know how to play this game and we don't put ourselves out there. In fact, we don't exist. 

Part of the code is as follows;

  1. We do not seek attention! Guys on down low do not 'advertise' themselves. Catch me dead in skinny jeans or pink tees, or a ring on my thumb or index finger! Hell no. We dress well fitting clothes but NEVER tight clothes. Tight clothes are a NO-NO! 
  2. We communicate seamlessly. The moment a guy on the down low spots another, 'wireless' communication is initiated. We communicate using our eyes. It is not easy as it sounds but if you have done it you know what I am talking about. A guy on DL will not approach you and tease you like most gay guys do. We know and feel when there is something. Guys on the DL know that it will all end up in bed so they save themselves the agony of sweet talking and those sweet-nothings gays tell each other. Once I lock eyes with you and send a message, better be ready to play the game.
  3. We do not hang out with gays! Period! It is as simple as that! We avoid hanging out with gay people for obvious reasons. 99% of guys on the DL are either married or in committed heterosexual relationships or are very important people in society. We have no time to go sit at Art Caffe with a bunch of queers listening to them whine about their crushes or boyfriends, or what clothes and shoes to buy next! I do not know how I would explain to my girlfriend if she bumped into me at the mall with a bunch of queens.
That's just part of the code, in the next post, I will continue with the list.

Let me have your comments on the code. 

Yours truly,



  1. Hey there,
    I have always read your blog, I am not a guy, so I can not begin to say that I understand what it is like being on the down low. It is obviously not easy, seeing the pains you go into hiding that side of yourself.
    On your code, from the 2 out of 3 points above, you, for all intents and purposes behave like straight men do. Having a girlfriend, discussing some hot chics with the boys, etcetera. So what you are saying is you are virtually invisible.

  2. Thank you for reading SheKenyan. Virtually invisible might well describe us. To the ordinary eye, we will go unnoticed. It will take another guy on the DL to notice us and it might not be automatic. It is a tough life, true!

  3. hehe cont with da wakili frnd , but as 4 the code oh well give me more i dig this more as a bisexual .

  4. Hopefully you can find the courage to let your unhappy "girlfriend" go some day and live your life as the man you are.

  5. Nice blog. You live half a world away in a different culture but the story is the same. Read my blog sometimes. Start at th beginning.

    And write more. It will help you discover yourself and work your way through. You will be fine.

    Immanuel at

  6. I have lived this life and it is HARD! I have oscillated from the DL to out and for me its a revolving door. I dress like you and behave like you but I still hang out with queers dressed like Jimmy Gait. Its all about balance. Btw, I was at the conference too...

  7. I absolutely respect and appreciate your point on each and every object.
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